Hansie Smit

Hansie Smit

Self-employed writer | Correspondence enthusiast

Analysts: Rabada Magic almost

Analysts: Rabada Magic almost as potent as Madiba Magic

PRETORIA (In Other News) – Bowling 13 Englishmen out for 144 runs have put cricketing sensation Kagiso Rabada within a wand’s reach of Nelson Mandela as far as mojo is concerned. Magic analysts called the 20-year-old’s heroics at Centurion “spellbinding”, but warned he still had a long way to go to match Madiba.

Local man tries to enter UK wi

Local man tries to enter UK with “scrapbook passport”, fails

LONDON (In Other News) – Inspired by Mos Def’s world passport saga, a South African man tried to enter the UK with a document he “created during scrapbook class”. He was denied access. The man, who asked to remain anonymous, said he felt betrayed by the UK authorities as sharing his personal and family history with an immigration official was a private matter.

Residents in Cape Town block o

Residents in Cape Town block of flats missing the sun

CAPE TOWN (In Other News) – It’s been almost a week since Zenzile Subisiso has seen the sun. A resident in a block of flats that was draped with a large banner on the weekend, Subisiso said she’d completely lost track of time and have trouble sleeping at night “whenever that is”.

M-Net will fight Cliff with Mi

M-Net will fight Cliff with Mike Ross from Suits

JOHANNESBURG (In Other News) – The network said they were aware of the fact that the actor didn’t have a law degree, either in real life or in the series, but that he proved himself “many times over, especially in season 3”. They hope to fly the US star to South Africa as soon as possible so he can familiarise himself with local laws.

netflix november

Teachers: Netflix will ruin 2016 matric results

JOHANNESBURG (In Other News) – Not everyone is happy about the arrival of Netflix in South Africa. Yesterday the National Professional Teachers’ Organisation of South Africa (NAPTOSA) slammed the streaming service claiming it could disrupt the class of 2016.

Zuma to use 2016 to find out w

Zuma to use 2016 to find out what a hashtag is

CAPE TOWN (In Other News) – South African president Jacob Zuma has committed himself to finding out what a hashtag is. The presidential search forms part of an aggressive set of New Year’s resolutions aimed at bringing the president “up to date” with social media.

Manuel believes Star Wars invo

Manuel believes Star Wars involved in Cabinet reshuffle

JOHANNESBURG (In Other News) – The “third force” involved in Nhlanhla Nene’s dismissal may be the ubiquitous power featured in George Lucas’s Star Wars. This is according to former finance Minister Trevor Manuel who believes an “outside hand” was behind the events that unfolded on December 9.

Google, Yahoo called in to ous

Google, Yahoo called in to oust Zuma

(In Other News) – Mega sites Google and Yahoo have been recruited to help remove South African President Zuma from office. The sites will join Facebook and Twitter in a coordinated effort to “click” the president out of government.

Zuma sorry he couldn’t do wors

Zuma sorry he couldn’t do worse

UNION BUILDINGS (In Other News) – South African President Jacob Zuma has apologised to his country for not doing his worst. Speaking during a live broadcast from the Union Buildings yesterday, a disappointed Zuma cited a heavy workload and various overseas commitments for his poor performance.

Hofmyer: I want to be SA’s Tru

Hofmyer: I want to be SA’s Trump

PRETORIA (In Other News) – Singer-songwriter Steve Hofmeyr has expressed a “real and deep” desire to be South Africa’s version of property mogul Donald Trump. Speaking from his only property in Pretoria, the Agter Elke Man star said Trump was “blazing a trail” for bigots around the world.

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Mugabe looks up China on a map

HARARE (In Other News) – Aid of $60bn donated to Africa from China has prompted Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe to brush up on his geography. Reportedly “over the moon” about the donation, the ageing leader quickly set out to find out exactly where it came from.