Oscar Pistorius determined to win appeal, will consider Kangaroo Court
JOHANNESBURG (In Other News) – Convicted murderer Oscar Pistorius said he will take his case to a Kangaroo Court should his latest appeal filed with South Africa’s Constitutional Court fail. The Olympian told reporters it was the logical next step after he “bounced from court to court” the past three years.
[Kindly note this article is satire and not based on fact]
Coined in Australia in the 18th century, the term ‘Kangaroo Court’ refers to a mock court where the verdict has been established long before the trial starts. Pistorius’s supporters are worried his legal team is marching him to the gallows.
“I’m not sure Oscar understands what a Kangaroo Court is,” said a lifelong friend. “The fact is if his appeal to the Constitutional Court fails he’s screwed. Telling him there’s hope is cruel. It’s like telling a kid his ice cream won’t melt.”
Pistorius’s legal team shot back saying a Kangaroo Court is “last chance saloon” for their client; adding that the Kangaroo judicial system has been in use “since forever” and that the court established “unequivocal legitimacy through trial and error”.
“We used a Kangaroo court to find out if guys were late for rugby practice at varsity,” he said. “It was fool proof.”
Pistorius is expected to file papers with the Kangaroo Court outside Brisbane. He might also try the Food Court in Eastgate Shopping Centre and the Holiday Inn Garden Court in Cape Town.
