Prison journalism: The way things are… how did it never seem to change?

From the time after I decided to make a change in my life for the better, I noticed that no matter how one tries to do good, there is always a reminder of what used to be, a constant reminder of the person I used to be. I truly am sad, and it tears me apart inside. People that I meet along my path, I allow them to share my past experiences, and it seems they pity my lifestyle and congratulate me on my positive progression.

The Struggle for Change

I was honored to have met a special lady with whom I shared not only my past but, most of all, gave my whole heart to. Since I arrived in Cape Town, it has been a daily struggle getting to know people and the way of life, which is challenging for me, but she made it remarkably beautiful. She showed me that not everything is bad, and that there are good people still around who care and love.

This was something in my life that I was missing during my lovely life of change, helping me to understand some principles I had forgotten, taking me to places in Cape Town, and making me feel the warmth of being loved by someone again. It was magical. Before I met her, I was on a lonely path without a family or a sense of belonging. Even though I changed my life around and tried to stay positive, I started to become lonely, and it was hard for me.

I began taking drugs to try and numb my pain of loneliness. As you can imagine, it was a downward spiral towards a negative mindset that was only going to lead me back to my old ways or jail, and eventually, even to death. It was the work of the devil himself, and I knew it. 

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A Special Lady’s Influence

She showed me a path towards life that did not involve drugs and eradicated my drug use, showing me true love. She helped me through the darkness and stood by me no matter the weather, always making time for me and emanating nothing but light. I believe God sent me an angel. As time went by, there were ups and downs, but we never gave up on each other. She always wanted the best for me and pushed me to do better. Sadly, today we are no longer together due to factors from both our sides and interests that separated us. So, as I walk my path in life, I can surely thank her for everything she did for me. I miss her every day that we are not together, which leads me to share an experience I had while I was in prison and a valuable lesson I learned.

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Lessons from Prison

When I was in a medium-security prison, I had a good friend, much like her, who shared and cared for others. Unfortunately, he is no longer with us today, as he passed away in prison. He taught me a valuable lesson: to never give up on yourself and the ones who care for you, no matter what. You must do whatever it takes to forgive or be forgiven and settle your differences, as life is too short.

One day, we got into a dispute over something trivial and never spoke again. We did not take the time to forgive each other. A year went by in prison until one sorrowful day that took the life of my dear friend. I could have prevented it, but I was too blind and self-centered. He was stabbed to death. I know for a fact that the people who stabbed him were aware that he no longer had me as a friend who would protect him, so they used it to their advantage.

I remember his body lying in a pool of blood that day, and the look in his eyes, even though he had passed, and I broke down inside because I could have prevented it. The Numbers gang is a dark place, and prison has a way of wearing you down with the thought of the day you will die. They couldn’t harm me as much as I had harmed them, so they decided to take his life and hit me where it would hurt the most.

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A Message of Hope and Reconciliation

As I take a look around me and observe the lives that people live, it saddens me to be reminded of my friend and the loss I have suffered to this day. So I want to share this final thought with you: No matter the disagreement, no matter what you must do to settle the case, even if you’re not at fault, please take the time to forgive or settle what needs to be settled. Make the effort to reach out and forgive, as you never know what lies ahead. As for the special lady I loved, I pray that she can come to her senses and allow us to reconcile, as I do not want to leave our fate in the hands of others, robbing us of a beautiful friendship and the love we share for one another.

Should you wish to assist in the rehabilitation of former inmates and help put money into the pockets of those who have struggled to earn a living during and after incarceration, click HERE 

DISCLAIMER: Submission published as received

RESTORE is an NGO based in Cape Town, South Africa, providing inmates at Pollsmoor Prison with restorative justice opportunities.

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