Prison journalism: Reflecting on Life’s Meaning and Choices

Did you ever think of the meaning of life? I have. I think it only comes when you’re down and under; it feels like everything is falling apart and you have no control over anything. The reason that I am using this topic is, if you have everything in the palm of your hands, it’s like you don’t care, or you don’t worry about what you did and what you are still doing.

The Constraints of Gang Life

Being part of a gang means you don’t have authority over your own life, and that you should just play along, and even if you don’t want to, you don’t have much of a choice. If you need moral support, you won’t even know who to talk to or to trust. It was very hard for me because I had a lot of gaps to fill; it meant that if I did not trust anyone, I had to go out and do it myself. I never even wanted to go to sleep at night, thinking of what I did; all of it just plays in my mind, so I smoked a lot of drugs just to stay awake and to forget about what I did.

ALSO READ: Prison journalism: Talking about a Revolution

Living with Regrets and Seeking Redemption

Yes, I did a lot of bad things, but at that point in my life, it was all that I knew. People would label me, and I even got worse, and if I could see then like I see now, hopefully, I would have done better. Yes, some people still have questions, and maybe one day I can give them answers. My time in prison, it made me a monster; if I think about it, I became heartless. I didn’t care about anyone, even myself, and living like that, just imagine life with no purpose and no meaning. It leads you to a deeper hole with no steps out of it.

A Message of Hope and Forgiveness

The reason that I am writing this story is, I am still trying to forgive myself for what I have done, and at the same time, I want people to find hope in my story, knowing that they are not alone and there is a way out of it. Sometimes in life, if we make a mistake, it is what we want from it, and there are just some horns, if you like, we need to live with.

ALSO READ: Prison journalism: Challenges In Pollsmoor Healthcare Facilities

DISCLAIMER: Submission published as received

RESTORE is an NGO based in Cape Town, South Africa, providing inmates at Pollsmoor Prison with restorative justice opportunities.

If you have any questions you would like to ask our prison journalists, WhatsApp us on 060 011 0211.

Do you have contact with a prison inmate who would like to write for The South African website? If so, send an email to info@thesouthafrican.com or a WhatsApp to 060 011 0211.

You can also follow @TheSAnews on Twitter and The South African on Facebook to get the latest prison journalism articles.