Prison journalism: My journey through the World of Gangs

‘To live or not to live’ was my motto in life. It was a matter of survival, and I intended to ensure it was you, not me, who faced danger. 

The seduction of gang life

Being part of a gang was a regrettable choice, but if I’m honest with you, I derived a strange satisfaction from being part of it. The power and control it granted over people were intoxicating. People would steer clear of me on the street, and it gave me a sense of dominance. If you didn’t avoid me, my associates would ensure you did. Being able to dictate where you could go, who you could talk to, and what you must do was empowering. Controlling others was an addictive feeling. If I could control you, I felt like I owned you, and you had to answer to me. This control extended to your family, which was even more satisfying because it was as though I had influence over your entire world. 

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The price of control

I was privy to everything happening on the streets, but this control over people came at a cost. I had to prove myself constantly to maintain my reputation, and I resorted to violence. By shedding someone’s blood, I sent a message that couldn’t be conveyed in any other language. If I wanted to be at the top of the game, it was something I had to do, and it wasn’t a one-time thing. I had to submit to someone above me, even when I didn’t want to. My refusal to take orders made me numerous enemies. 

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Seeking independence

So, you might wonder what happened. Well, the same tactics I had used on others came back to haunt me. I, too, had to answer to a higher authority, and I often resisted. This created a host of adversaries because I refused to comply. Frustrated, I tried to find ways to evade their demands and forge my path. The problem was, trust was a rare commodity in this world. If you opened up to someone in this game, they could easily exploit your vulnerabilities, making it easy to bring you down. Over time, the pressure became too much for me. I began to contemplate ways to escape, but I didn’t want to appear weak.

DISCLAIMER: Submission published as received

RESTORE is an NGO based in Cape Town, South Africa, providing inmates at Pollsmoor Prison with restorative justice opportunities.

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