Finding love in prison. Image: Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels
Finding love in prison. Image: Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels
Finding a date in the LGBTIQ+ community can be quite frustrating. The frustration comes not because we are bombarded with suitors from every direction, especially in real life. The defeat comes as you realise that if you can’t read between the lines, the chances of meeting someone at a coffee shop are a little slim to none. There, the first red card for monogamous relationships.
Hookup culture has been taking over
Are monogamous relationships fading in favour of hookups? Honestly, it depends on who you ask. But if I was hard-pressed, I would give a slight edge to answering yes. Since I could comprehend the messages the majority of the globe was sending out about queer people, gay men to be specific, promiscuity was always one of the leading assumptions or stereotypes if you want to call it that.
A 2004 study by a team of researchers from the University of Chicago found that promiscuity and unhealthy behaviour were high among homosexual men in the city Chicago. The study reported that 61.3% of the gay men in the city had been involved with over 30 partners. That was almost two decades ago, fast forward to 2023 when technological advancements have made it easier to connect with basically anyone in the world. Do you think the percentage has decreased?
Based on keen observation, I would say no. Our dating apps are now used as a platform for hooking up more than the advertised promise of finding a love. From the moment I signed first up for my first online dating profile years ago, I learned that if the conversation does not lead to a sexual encounter, the person you “matched” with is likely to disappear like a cloud of smoke.
Some gay men vibe with monogamous relationships
Not that there aren’t gay men, or queer individuals looking for sustainable monogamous relationships out there, those rare breeds are there. It’s just difficult to sort through the clatter to find them. How can it be easy to find them when pleasantries have switched from “hello” to a picture of someone’s penis as a more suitable attention-grabbing greeting?
Please do not misquote me, I am not condemning nor advocating for hookup culture. People have different reasons for engaging in casual sex. As explained earlier in the article, meeting “your soul-mate” in a conventional way in the LGBTIQ+ community is difficult. So if you can open an app, click on a picture of a perfect torso, and get laid, why wouldn’t you? The selling point of hookups is simple, get satisfied with “no strings attached.”
We are pressed for time
Monogamy requires commitment and is time-consuming. You are likely to exhaust time finding that person, and further stretch time trying to build a strong enough bond. Even then it doesn’t guarantee that your person won’t slip up and revert to sliding into other people’s DM’s for meaningless quickies.
Noah, a gay character from the LGBTIQ+ film “Fire Island” once said, “Monogamy is a disease created by straight people to make us less interesting.” Is it?
