Interest rate sarb


What could R1 trillion buy South Africa instead of a nuclear deal?

11 billion blocks of cheese. Why can’t we live in THAT country?

Interest rate sarb


Jacob Zuma and his cabinet are fully immersing themselves in radioactive chaos, scrambling to force a nuclear deal over the line with the Russian government.

It’s state capture all over again. First India had a go, now we’re Putin’s whipping boys. I wonder who’ll try next to woo South Africa’s irresponsible ministers?

Developments are happening at an alarming speed, and the rush towards a nuclear deal is set to plunge the country into R1,000,000,000,000 worth of debt. That is an obscene number, with an even more obscene monetary value to it.

So instead of throwing it towards Moscow, an environmental nightmare and economic meltdown, what could South Africa do with a trillion bucks? We thought we’d have a look at the figures.

What can you buy for R1 trillion?

1. You could give every man, woman and child R17,857.

With 56 million people in Mzansi, you could give every person a sum that most people in SA would view as life changing.

2. You could pay every working-age South African the average salary of R17,000 a month, for 18 months.

For us blue-collar workers, we could spend 18 months doing nothing whilst the government lined our pockets. Which would make a lovely change from the reverse being the case.

3. You could build roughly 15,000 brand new state-of-the art schools

Valued at R60,000,000, a completely modernised and up-to-date school facility would revolutionise education in South Africa.

4. As calculated by OUTA, R1trn could buy everyone in South Africa two RDP homes.

Who could turn that down? Literally everyone in SA would be able to run an AirBnb business!

5. They also suggest you could build 4,065 Nkandla estates.

One Nkandla is bad enough. That horrendous drain on tax payers is less than one-four-thousandth of what the nuclear deal will cost, though.

A medical revolution will have to wait…

6. You could supply high-quality medical aid to every South African citizen for a year.

We picked out the Discovery Health Essential Core package, which costs R1,500 a month. That’ll cover you for most of the health issues you need insurance for. Wouldn’t it be nice if South Africa could have a worry-free year from medical bills?

7. At a cost of R75 million, you could build 13,000 hospitals across the country.

Which we’ll probably all need if something goes haywire with these nuclear reactions. 1,440 new hospitals per province would see us through nicely.

8. You could pay the average monthly utilities of R2,000 per month for every SA household over the next nine years.

According to Numbeo, electricity, internet, data costs and basic tv subscriptions could be covered for every house for the next decade. But no. Screw your well being, there’s some Russians to impress.

9. With current fuel costs, the government could buy 75 billion litres of fuel and dish it out free to South Africans.

Even we might ease our view of Zuma if he backed this initiative. Free fuel at the pumps would make a visit to Engen feel like the greatest day of your life.

On the more indulgent side…

10. If they were feeling particularly generous, they could buy 33 billion pints of beer. That’s 825 beers per person of legal drinking age.

Wow, 825 pints. So that’d cover each Springboks fan for… three games, maybe?

11. Our vision of Utopia: 11 billion 1kg blocks of cheese (local)

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll eat for a lifetime. Give a country 11 billion blocks of cheese, and you’ve spent your money wisely.

12. 166,000 Ferraris could be purchased for the same value of the nuclear deal

That’d be something. One Ferrari per 337 South Africans. They’ll have to put a bit more room in for the backseats, then.