Ten reasons Jacob Zuma WON’T quit his job

Let’s be honest, oll JZ ‘s made a living off our livelihoods and, were he to step down as head honcho, things just won’t be the same at Nkandla anymore. Even though the state will keep paying him a salary for his exemplary work throughout his presidency, it’ll hardly be enough. If you’ve ever had to raise children you’d know, it aint cheap. Especially when those children are used to raiding the state coffers to fund their own half-ditch business ventures.

So, let’s take a look at ten key points to consider when even mentioning Zuma’s retirement.

1. Wives

Six wives don’t come cheap, especially when each needs a PA at a minimum of R145 000 per annum. Imagine the chunk that’s going to take out of your post-presidential salary.

2. Children

Any father worth his salt would do whatever he can to help the fruit of his loins succeed; and JZ is no different. Ok, el presidente might have gone beyond what is considered acceptable to one-up his brood, but imagine the strain 19 ambitious young Zumas will put on his pocket-book.

3. Water & Electricity

Fire-pools don’t come cheap you know. A one-bedroom flat can run levies of up to R3000 per month, depending on where it’s located… imagine Nkandla’s running costs!

4. Petrol & Car Insurance

With his children’s tendency for hit-and-runs and his own fleet of vehicles, Zuma really should start looking at getting himself a savvy broker. No no-claims bonuses in his foreseeable future.

5. Tax

What do you think the land tax would be on an estate built in the historically important heritage region of Nkandla?

6. Travel & Leisure

Somehow, we don’t see Ballito beach as becoming the Zuma brood’s destination of choice anytime soon. Let’s see; six wives, 19 legitimate children and an entourage… you’d need the presidential plane for a trip that size.

7. Shopping

Armani suits, designer outfits for all the ladies, baby clothes – kids grow up so fast – and rolex watches; looks like PEP and Ackermans might get a few new regulars.

8. Medical aid

If insurance wasn’t expensive enough, just think how much it would cost to keep all the little Zumas healthy. Lifestyle diseases are on the increase, and if you look at their eating habits there would have to be a separate cholesterol fund.

9. Food & Beverage costs

Having a kraal stocked with cattle will only go so far. What do you do when take-out is on the menu?

10. Legal costs

Last, but not least; as soon as our dear leader steps down as president, all those nagging little court cases will come back to haunt him. This time he won’t have loyalists covering up for him.

There you go ex-pressie; life’s hard for an ordinary South African, but for one who’s so used to spending money that doesn’t belong to him it’ll be an even bigger wake-up call. Best he hold’s on to that cushy position he’s in for as long as he can.