“I feel like I’m in that alien

Twitter,Abby Anstead

“I feel like I’m in that alien movie in South Africa” – Twitter reacts to elite music festival turned living nightmare

Liar Liar, Pants on Fyre: How a festival that seemed too good to be true… actually was. It’s up to you to decide whether it’s okay to laugh at rich people or not.

“I feel like I’m in that alien

Twitter,Abby Anstead

Tickets ranged from $450 to $12,000. The venue was the picturesque paradise of The Bahamas. Blink 182 and Major Lazer were the headline acts and the accommodation boasted the highest level of glamping and gourmet food…

The public profile behind the event was gigantic. Ja Rule himself was the co-creator and Kendall Jenner was part of the promo team to sell tickets. Let’s face it, we all know anything that features her is going to be a huge PR success, don’t we?

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But what did Fyre Festival goers actually get? Well, I can tell you, the closest they got to gourmet dining was the huge shit-sandwich that the organisers served everyone.

The festival turned out to be a complete, unrefined, jaw-dropping scam. Thousands of revellers had made their way to the tropical island, but when they got there. Oh man, when they got there:

The ‘luxury tents’ were actually leftover disaster relief tents from US Aid

Wow. I mean that really would glamp anyone’s style. (Sorry. I realise this story is probably a little too in-tents to joke about)

Okay. So you get there and the tents aren’t great… Hardly a disaster. Music festivals are all about slumming it and roughing it out. How bad could it be?

Oh, you thought ‘shit-sandwich’ was a metaphor? No, I was deadly serious.

Right, so the foods also not up to scratch. Good job this is a festival and you have plenty of be…

Oh. Oh no.

Hey, leave us out of this! We got our own problems here, thank you very much.

Ok. Everything sucks. Everything is terrible. But the show must go on. It’s time to remember that you are there for THE MUSIC. Not the luxury, not the gluttony, but for the talented people who have soundtracked your existence. As long as you still have Blink 182, there’s half a chance tha…


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Eventually, people started returning home and were offered full refunds and free return journeys. How smooth do we think that went? Well…

We tried to think of witty, cutting remarks to finish this trip through a modern Orwellian nightmare; but there really was no point, not whilst this existed.

So there it is. Ja Rule – Mr “Always on Time” – failed to deliver a festival on time. I think we can all enjoy the irony, here.

(Huge thanks to the dashingly named William N. Finley IV (@WNFIV) and @Iron_Spike – Their twitter contributions are surely better than any festival could have been)