How many cows are our South African celebs worth? We take a look at the Lobola Calculator app

The Lobola Calculator is a nifty app for peeps to measure the worth (in Rands and cows) of their potential wives, and yes, you do need her measurements to do so.

You can calculate how much lobola your loved one is worth by filling in her age, height, weight, waist size, level of attractiveness (from “not at all” to “really hot”) and highest qualification. You also need to state whether she is employed, has been previously married or has children.

Tech geek Robert Matsaneng claimed he developed the app so that his engaged friends were not ripped off. He stresses that the app is purely for entertainment value.

After calculating our own Rand and cow value, we thought we’d have a spot of fun and calculate the worth of some of our favourite South African schlebs.

Please note that we had to guesstimate height, weight and waist size for some of the below.

Rolene Strauss – R45 000; six “real life” cows

While Strauss is young, “really hot”, has the perfect dimensions, unmarried and without children, she had to put her studies on hold when she became Miss World, which lowered her value (as she does not yet have a University Degree).

Bonang Matheba – R60 000; eight real life cows

 

Matheba is still young (at 27), and as “hot”, perfectly proportioned, unmarried and childless as Strauss. However, she has completed a presenting course making her more qualified and therefore more expensive.

Lindiwe Mazibuko – R80 500; ten real life cows

34-year-old Mazibuko may not be as “hot” as Bonang and Rolene but she sure is more qualified. Interestingly, she is worth R80 500 when we rate her between “average” and “really hot” while only R 70 000 (or nine real life cows) when rated as “really hot”. So if you rate your honey as “really hot”, her worth is less than if you place her between “average” and “really hot”. It pays to be humble it seems.

Thuli Madonsela – R40 500; five real life cows

While Madonsela is highly qualified and has an impressive job, the app only allows you to choose between a University Degree, Diploma or Matric, and if the woman is employed or not. So in reality, Madonsela would be worth a lot more even if she isn’t “really hot”.

Winnie Madikizela-Mandela – R38 000; five real life cows

At 78, Mrs Mandela is still worth an impressive amount. If, however, one were to add that she was not employed, her worth would be reduced to R18 000.

Charlize Theron – R5 000; zero real life cows

Poor Charlize: being “really hot” and having perfect dimensions is not worth much if your highest qualification is matric (being an award-winning movie star is not an option on the calculator), you’re married and you have a child.

The lobola calculator may be limited by not differentiating between qualifications and employment, but it sure is fun. The app is available from the Android app store and is still being developed for iOS and BlackBerry.

Header image: Rolene Strauss: Mujahid Safodien/AFP/Getty Images
Bonang Matheba: Facebook.com/BonangMatheba
Lindiwe Mazibuko: Stringer/AFP/Getty Images
Thuli Madonsela: Gianluigi Guercia/AFP/Getty Images
Winnie Mandela: Christopher Furlong/Getty Images
Charlize Theron: Stephane de Sakutin/AFP/Getty Images