First comes love, then comes marriage…and a few examples of the joys of married life! Check out the funny side of marriage over here:
Ah, the joys of being married! We all know that couples who laugh together, stay together, and we’ve got Tweets to prove it.
Marriage refers to that blissful union between two people who promise to love each other until ‘death do them part’….but what happens in between are sometimes the best part of the whole deal and just too darn funny. The following Twitter users are the real-deal, folks and decided to share their reality of married life:
My wife is finally coming home from her week long trip, so you know what I'm getting tonight… yelled at. I'm gonna get yelled at.
— eric (@ericsshadow) June 3, 2016
2. When you’re not in college anymore:
My husband just went on a late night Taco Bell run because we are not in college anymore, but we like to maintain the lifestyle.
— Winosaurus Mom ? (@winosaurusmom) September 30, 2017
I'm never more nervous than when I insist we're out of something and my wife goes to look for it herself.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 27, 2017
4. The reality of it all…
If you think you might enjoy getting yelled at from another room for chewing too loud, maybe give marriage a try.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 18, 2017
5. She’s prepared….
My wife has literally everything in her purse. Today I needed tissues, a hammer, peanut butter and dice and she had 2 of each.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) September 18, 2017
6. The thrill of the fight…
*"Eye of the Tiger" plays as I get ready to tell my wife I don't want to go to brunch*
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) September 29, 2017
7. Like a hyena:
My husband's favorite thing about me is probably how I circle his fast food for possible leftovers like a hyena.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) September 15, 2017
8. Marriage level: Expert.
*walking into store*
Him: You need a cart?
Me: No, I'm just getting 2 things.
Him: *rolls eyes, grabs cart*
Marriage level: Expert
— ?Sarcastic Mommy? (@sarcasticmommy4) September 17, 2017
9. Strange thoughts:
WIFE: whatcha thinkin about?
ME: (very seriously) a dog playing a saxophone
— rob elliott (@rockymomax) September 20, 2017
If you've never rage-folded a load of laundry then you either don't have kids or don't have a husband.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) June 1, 2016
11. Or any dresser for that matter.
If your marriage can survive building an IKEA dresser together, it can survive anything.
— Northern Lights ? (@PinkCamoTO) September 29, 2017
12. What not to say to your wife 101:
“Calm down,” I say to my wife, five seconds before my brain has a chance to talk me out of it.
— TheAlexNevil’s Shiny New Year (@TheAlexNevil) September 28, 2017
13. Legit question, yes?
My husband won't let me pick up wood at Home Depot because he doesn't want it scratched or bent but I can take care of his children daily.
— bubble girl (@JessObsess) June 20, 2017
14. She has great hearing…
Me: *yells something
Wife: I can't hear you
Me: *whispers something under my breath
Wife: I heard that!!
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 2, 2017
My wife asked me to get up early tomorrow to pick something up from the grocery store.
Wife (the next morning): You actually did that?
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) September 17, 2017
17. When you just don’t know.
Wife: What do you think about this outfit?
Me: Those are clothes.
Wife: *death glare*
Me: Those are… not clothes?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 1, 2017
18. Yes, yes it will.
19. Sound familiar?
[At Home Depot]
Wife: Why don't you just ask someone where to find it?
Me: I'd rather die.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 19, 2017
20. The only conversations to have…
Conversations with my husband..
'Why is it so hard to stay fit as a parent?' followed by 'If the kids ever go to sleep can we order pizza?'
— TwistedDoodles (@twisteddoodles) September 20, 2017
21. There will be a few curve balls along the way.
My husband has denim sweatpants.
I said for better or for worse, but I didn't anticipate this.
— Coffee lovin' mom (@Coffee_lovinmom) August 26, 2017
22. When you’re just too tired…
Being married with kids is just this:
Him: Let's watch a movie.
Me: Ok! *falls asleep*
— ?Sarcastic Mommy? (@sarcasticmommy4) September 11, 2017
My wife said I need to grow up. I was speechless.
It's hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 10, 2014
wife: Why is your back all scratched up?
[flashback to me chasing a raccoon after she told me to leave it alone]
me: I'm having an affair
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) August 18, 2016
25. Fist bump!
[out in public]
Me: A kid is crying.
Wife: It's not one of ours.
[we fist bump]
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 13, 2015