20 Tweets that’ll have married folks going “yup, pretty much”

Can you describe marriage in 140 characters or less? These Twitter users gave it a try and if you’re married and up for a laugh, check it out.

Here’s the truth about marriage in a nutshell:

[facebook]
"5 years ago i married my best friend, my soulmate, i love you"

[real life]
"eat all the leftovers again and i will end you"

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 5, 2016

Not to brag, but my husband just came back from shopping for my birthday gift, and he was carrying a Rite Aid bag.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) September 30, 2016

How to fold laundry like me:

1) Fold it in half.

2) Fold it in quarters.

3) Put it on the pile

4) Watch as my wife angrily refolds it.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 6, 2016

https://twitter.com/kateb861/status/690608962157281280

Husband secretly lowers the thermostat & I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it.

Marriage is fun.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 13, 2016

me [about to put my head on my pillow]
wife: Can you do me a favor before you lay down?

— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 28, 2016

I need you to be spontaneous. Be predictable. I need intimacy. Give me my space. Load the dishwasher. Not like that.

-marriage

— Blu (@TwoSapphiresBlu) November 3, 2016

Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on? Stop talking in secret code.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 14, 2016

Like watching a fly trying to find an open window, only its my husband looking for something in plain sight.

— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) September 5, 2016

ME: There's no i in team but there is one in pizza
WIFE: so you’re not going to share
ME: I am not going to share

— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) January 18, 2016

I wish there was more trust in my marriage like where I could buy produce without my wife inspecting it like she's appraising a diamond.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 2, 2016

[in bed]

Me: hey, did you grab my butt

Wife: yeah sorry, I was looking for the remote

— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) November 6, 2016

wife *opens First Aid Kit* WHY WOULD YOU FILL IT WITH CHEETOS?
me [bleeding] It was funny at the time

— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 11, 2016

wife: Do you think you'll ever stop quoting "Gangsta's Paradise"?

me: The way things are going I don't know

— Josh (@iwearaonesie) January 21, 2015

husband tries to dramatically break news by asking, "Are you sitting down?" and I'm like, sitting down is literally all I do

— Jen (@lionheaded_) January 18, 2016

Hey guys, if your wife says she's at home doing laundry, she's lying. She's at Target, they're all at Target, literally right this minute.

— BornHusky (@dlockw21) December 16, 2015

https://twitter.com/1MeLrO/status/646324697588592642

Wife: can you pick up milk?

Me: [lifts gallon] yea it's easy

Wife: I mean from the store

Me: I would imagine it weighs the same there too

— brandAn is good (@LeBearGirdle) October 22, 2016

I am the boss of me. And my wife is my boss’s boss.

— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) December 31, 2015